Showing posts with label Russell Tovey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russell Tovey. Show all posts

Monday, 25 March 2019

The Modern City

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  You might look at Russell Tovey - to pull a name out of the hat - and think "who's that jug-eared weirdo?"  Meanwhile I look at him and my eyes turn into little hearts, like a wolf in a Warner Brothers cartoon.  (Did you see him on Celebrity Bake OffHe smeared butter over a metal cream horn mould then looked straight down the camera and smirked and the BF had to crack me on the back of the head with the remote control to stop my whimpering).  Beauty is not universal.


I'd been in Coventry for ten minutes and I was captivated.  There was the station, of course - more of that later.  Then a walk across the ring road via a landscaped overpass, the city's electronic road signs (the only ones in Britain) shining through the mug of a grey day.  There were a few older buildings, the kind you see everywhere in the country, and then I was smack in front of the concrete bulk of the Bull Yard.  And I was smiling.


You might not be smiling.  But I loved it.  Stark concrete.  Elegant lines.  Horizontals and verticals around a public square.  It was forward thinking and modern. 

There had been plans to redevelop Coventry before the war.  The City appointed a young, exciting new architect to oversee it, a man called Donald Gibson who'd taught at the famous and highly influential Liverpool School of Architecture.  He came up with a scheme for a new Civic Centre and parkland around the Cathedral, which got a lot of public support.  Then the bombers came.


On the 14th November 1940 more than five hundred bombs were dropped on the city, destroying swathes of what was still a largely Medieval streetscape.  Incendiary devices burned their way through the narrow streets and left a shell-shocked wasteland behind.  They had two options to rebuild it once the fighting ended.  Either they could restore the old street patterns, and try and build it as it was before, or they could try and look forward and build a new city.

They went with the second option, and I'm glad they did.


Taking his inspiration from Scandinavia, Gibson drew up a plan for low, elegant brick buildings shaped around pedestrian walkways and plazas.  Broadgate House, up there, was typical; square windows, rendered flat surfaces.  It didn't dominate the scene and yet it was powerful enough to impress. 


Shops were laid out in a precinct with fountains and offices above.  There was symmetry and subtlety.  Gibson laid out the roads with long vistas so you could see the Cathedral spire; he wanted the new Coventry to be open and inspiring.  Remember, the city before the bombs had been a warren of overcrowded lanes; this was the new and inspiring.  It was open to everyone.


It couldn't last.  Gibson left the council in 1955 after too many arguments with Councillors.  His replacement, Arthur Ling, continued his work and in some ways improved it.  He pushed through further pedestrianisation, making Market Way traffic free, and opened up the Precincts so they were more accessible.  He put in dance halls and pubs to make the city centre lively after dark.  But he also disagreed with Gibson's ideas of open space, and so those long vistas were filled with tall tower blocks to close the views off. 

A low-level panic was also setting in at the Town Hall.  Coventry was growing a lot faster than they'd anticipated, and its population was young.  They needed to accommodate the growth quick.  At the same time, the Government's financial incentives for building new homes meant the more you built, the more money you got from the Treasury; houses were good, but flats were quicker to build, and concrete flats quicker still.


Coventry went up.  The high-rise flats appeared and office buildings became slabs.  As I wandered around the city, I could see the different eras, like the rings of a tree.  Slate and marble?  That's a Gibson building.  Simpler, less fussy constructions, but on a grander scale?  Ling.  And stark, basic concrete?  That'll be down to Terence Gregory, whose tenure as City Architect coincided with a belt tightening Conservative administration. 


What struck me as I walked round was how much better the city would be if people stopped interfering with it.  There's a giant glass roof over the Lower Precincts which is completely out of place and ruins the look of the buildings.  An escalator was slapped in the middle of the Upper Precinct to get into a shopping mall, and its green snake blocks the lines of the square and gets in the way.  The cheap 1980s block paving was patched with tarmac.  And some of the buildings had been re-clad in a style that I can only describe as "hideous".


The trouble with Coventry is the bottom fell out of it.  In the 1970s, its big industries began to close up; car building mechanised, then left.  Unemployment skyrocketed which meant less money which meant all those elegant precincts became empty and windswept because nobody could afford to shop there.  The concrete wasn't maintained, so it became stained and cracked, while it turned out flinging up shoddy blocks of flats wasn't great for the residents' health or stability. 

They panicked, basically.  Add in the Fifties and Sixties' architectural styles falling out of fashion generally, and Coventry began to fiddle with what it had and make it worse.  Broadgate House, back up there, had been a wide open entrance to Hertford Street; they filled the arch with a building society to get more rates.  (It's now being restored to its former look).  If you wanted to spend some money in the city, they let you, and endless regeneration plans interfered with what they had.  They were trying anything in the hope it worked.


I'd ended up beneath the Whittle Arch, commemorating Sir Frank Whittle, inventor of the jet engine and son of Coventry - another regeneration scheme.  It leads to the City's Transport Museum and obviously I was going to have a poke round that.


Unfortunately for me it turned out to be mainly car and bike based.  If I'd thought about it for one second I'd have twigged that - Coventry was famous for its car plants, and the museum is rightly proud of the many vehicles produced there.


I'm not a car person though.  They get you around and everything, and I can admire a truly stunning automobile - Coventry's own E-Type, for example:


But otherwise it was a lot of vehicles that sort of looked like one another until they didn't.  I was pleased to see a Chopper hanging on the wall - I learnt to ride on a Chopper (steady):


And the museum was well laid out, and had interesting interactive bits for the kids, and so on.  I just didn't totally engage with it.  It could've done with some mention of railways.  You can't really call yourself a Transport Museum unless you include a few trains. 


Remember how I said Coventry's car industry collapsed in the 1970s?  Those are the cars the city was producing then.  Can't think why everyone stopped buying them.


I decided to head for the Cathedral; it was about time.  The Blitz decimated the Cathedral, so they looked for a replacement.  At first they turned to Giles Gilbert Scott, who was busy showing what you could do with a Cathedral in the 20th Century up in Liverpool, but his building was both too modern and too old fashioned for the Diocese.  They then appointed Basil Spence who produced a sandstone masterpiece.


I crept inside.  There was a convention going on - an English Heritage presentation on what to do with post-war churches, which was appropriate - but it was lunchtime so the friendly lady at the entrance said I could wander around.


It really is a beautiful building.  A single massive space with the altar beneath a stunning tapestry.  Every detail was incredibly crafted; I was captivated by the wooden choir stalls.


I'm not religious at all but you have to admit: God gets some really good architects.


Alright, full disclosure; as I wandered round the Cathedral I didn't have heavenly choirs and thoughts of angels in my head.  Instead I had Victoria Wood. 
"I've just come back from Coventry.  It's nice there... I went round the Cathedral.  I got in a bit of a muddle though; I thought it was Habitat.  There's me looking for roller blinds and there's all these people on their knees, praying.  I thought, I know Terence Conran does a good job..."
Damn, I miss her.


Across from the new Cathedral are the remains of the old one, preserved as a peace garden.  The two are joined by a huge porch, and you can see the ruins through the west window; they interact with one another.


I had a bit of a wander round, but (a) it was starting to spit with rain and (b) there was a boy with dreadlocks smoking weed on a bench, so I packed up and crossed the University Square to the Herbert Museum.  It's been gifted a big glass and steel entrance staring across at the Cathedral but it's colourless and bland.  I can 100% guarantee it was referred to as "iconic" in the planning application.  Inside was far more interesting, with 1950s stylings poking out from their millennial coat.


I wandered around an exhibition on Lady Godiva, the city's most famous daughter (who probably didn't exist, but there you go, you can't fight a legend).  Sadly I managed to mistime my passage through Broadgate and never got to see the famous clock chime and a naked Lady pop out of her hole. 


I strolled around the city a little more.  Each corner seemed to throw up a little delight; a bit of artwork, an old building wedged between new ones, an unexpected stretch of greenery.  It was very walkable, and the presence of students headed for the University campus gave it a liveliness.


It just worked for me.  I can tell you're raising an eyebrow.  But I really liked Coventry.  There was something in the air, a charm, a spark, that made me enjoy it. 


Of course, nothing is perfect.  Queen Victoria Road brought a shocking sight.


An Ikea, right smack in the centre of the city; a massive wall of blue and yellow overwhelming everything around it.  That's not right.  Go to the outskirts where you belong, Ikea, where that bulk is among a load of other retail sheds.  It's a pleasing diversion then.  Here it was brutal - not the good kind of brutal you saw elsewhere, the concrete kind of brutal, but instead a violent, ugly intervention.


I found a pub, a two storey spot by the Bull Yard, and looked out over the bustle of the street.  I wanted to take Coventry to one side and tell it to calm down.  Breathe.  Take a moment.  It was a city that was constantly chasing new money, new investment, new looks, and in the process ignoring what it had.  I wanted to say to them, look around your city.  Take out some of the interventions.  Strip back the alterations.  Go back to Gibson's plan and remember how good it was and make it work again.  When I mentioned I was in Coventry on Twitter, people said "hope you like concrete!".  They meant it as an insult.

Ok, I do like concrete.  But so do a lot of people.  Look at the Barbican.  Look at the National Theatre.  Use them as your touchstones.  Basically, don't let Ikea build a fucking store in the middle of your city.


I drank up and headed to the station.  It is, I'm sure you know, magnificent.  Grade II listed, it's a mix of concrete and glass and rich deeply coloured wood that spans the tracks.  It's elegant and captivating.


The station has been designed for smooth passage.  A wide, open concourse.  A travel centre for your ticketing needs, with understated Sixties fonts.


The ticket hall is double height with custom wooden benches for you to wait on.  Head up the stairs to the footbridge and you get a great view down into the space. 


I was absolutely charmed by it.  It was modern and aspirational.  Trains as the transport of the future.


Of course, the problem with all that is it's designed to get you in and out, and there's not much money in that.  So there are plans for a new station building, underneath a multi-storey car park and with access to a new bus exchange.  This is what they intend it to look like.


That is an orange box.  That is Ikea again, but in orange.  I am letting out a deep, dissatisfied sigh right now.


I headed for my platform for my train home.  Coventry had surprised and delighted me.  I was glad I'd made it a proper day out, rather than passing through.  If all you think of when you hear the name "Coventry" is concrete, why not give it a visit for yourself?  It's bound to surprise you.

   

Monday, 28 December 2015

The Numbers Game

I'm writing this on board a Pendolino as I head to my mum's for the Yuletide Visit (2015 Edition).  I'm not fleeing the north now it's under eight feet of water, honest, not least because I live on top of a hill on top of a peninsula; if my house ever gets flooded the whole world should be worried.

Actually, the floods have been especially troubling to me because they're happening in places that I know.  One of the reasons I started this blog was so that places became more than just names on a map for me, and it's worked.  As the captions came up on Sky News and the BBC I remembered being there - horrified at the badly written cafe sign in Appleby, eating my sandwich in a park as a group of schoolchildren filed past in Kendal, Sowerby Bridge's Goth shop.  I was brought up as a filthy Southerner, but I'm turning into a plastic Northerner now.

Anyway, the point of this post is: numbers.  It's a stat attack!  Upsettingly, these usually prove to be the most popular of all the blog posts I do.  It seems you're not here for my lovingly formed prose and pithy insights but are just all about the maths.  I can't pretend this doesn't upset me.

NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2014 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 533
NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2015 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 533

It should be 534, because Apperley Bridge opened a couple of weeks ago, but Northern haven't updated the map.  They've lost the franchise - sod it.

NUMBER OF STATIONS VISITED IN 2014: 113
NUMBER OF STATIONS VISITED IN 2015: 107

For the second year in a row, the number of stations visited has dropped.  I've also done less blog posts in general this year.  It's almost like I'm winding down or something.

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS VISITED: 518
NUMBER OF STATIONS REMAINING: 15
PERCENTAGE OF MAP COMPLETED: 97%

That's the number you came here for, isn't it?  Fifteen left.  Fifteen.  And then my life ceases to have any meaning.

Although I should point out that number doesn't include Apperley Bridge, which has opened now, so technically it's 16 to go.  And there's Kirkstall Forge, which is due to open sometime before May, so it's 17.  And Low Moor near Bradford is also under construction.  So 15, plus a few extras.  But they're not on the map so I could get away with ignoring them.  (I won't, of course).

MOST POPULAR BLOG POST OF 2015: the one about my visit to Teeside Airport, because it got picked up on Railforums and so I got a load of train experts rushing over here thinking I knew what I was talking about.  They were disappointed, and none of my other blog posts appeared there.  Or maybe they were just bitter because I got Northern to stop a train for me and they can only dream of such power.

LEAST POPULAR BLOG POST OF 2015: this picture of Northern Rail MD Alex Hynes on a big chair.  You people have no taste.

ODDEST BLOG HIT OF 2015: "diana rigg seascale".  No idea what that's about, though I would like to know the story behind that particular Google search.  Did Dame Diana once visit Sellafield?  Is this a lost episode of The Avengers?  Oh, and there were the usual perverts looking for "dogging in Wigan" or "Penelope Keith's tits".  (Actually, by putting those phrases in this blog, I'm going to get even more weirdos aren't I?  THE CYCLE CONTINUES).

NUMBER OF RUSSELL TOVEY MENTIONS: hardly any, really.  He's gone all buff and A-Gay and, since the Americans saw him in Looking, he's started fancying himself.  Plus he keeps posting pictures of his bloody dog in a hat on Twitter.  I've gone right off him.  I'm casting around for a replacement gentleman to stalk, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to put them in the comments.

QUANTITY OF NORTHERN RAIL TAT RECEIVED: a big fat zero.  They're always handing out stuff at Manchester Victoria - there were Northern-themed Christmas hats in December! - but never when I'm around, and they haven't sent me a goody box full of USB sticks and mouse mats either.  Merseyrail sent me some flip flops and invited me to their Christmas party.  Just saying.

BEST COMMENT OF 2015: this lunatic.


Keep that freak flag flying, dude.

FAVOURITE CITY VISITED IN 2015: Newcastle.  I loved it there, absolutely adored it.  I can't understand why I haven't gone back yet.  I've also remembered that I took a load of pictures on the Metro, and visited some of the stations, and never wrote about it.  Maybe I'll do that in a slow month.

FAVOURITE STATION OF 2015: the one that immediately leapt to mind was Middlewood.  It's nothing, just a couple of platforms, but it's buried in a forest and is only accessible on foot.  That's pretty damn charming.

LEAST FAVOURITE STATION OF 2015: Derby.  It shouldn't be on the damn map.  Also, it's ugly.

That'll do I think.  There might be another blog post before the end of the year, but if not... see you in 2016!

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Room at the Top


Bad news for Merseyrail: the House of Orange has fallen.  On January 1st Maarten Spaargaren gave up his position as MD of the railway company, bringing an end to the Dutch rule over Liverpool's railways.

Before Maarten, there was of course Bart Schmeink, who I ACTUALLY MET at a Christmas party Merseyrail generously invited me to once.  They didn't invite me again - hopefully nothing to do with all those JD and Cokes I knocked back, or me telling the man behind the Merseyrail map that the city centre square was "fucking shit" (I should say he agreed with me) - but I did attend Bart Schmeink's leaving do.  I arrived too early, skulked around at the edges eating vol-au-vents because that was easier than talking to people, and left without managing to speak to the great man himself.


I was happy when Bart was replaced by Maarten, because having a Netherlander ruling over Merseyrail seemed to work.  Customer satisfaction went up, punctuality went up, the trains and the stations all started looking a bit lovely.  They imported the M to Go concept from the Low Country, which worked, and the Bike and Go concept as well, which didn't quite as much.  Maarten has left Merseyrail for the sake of his children's education, which is appallingly selfish of him.  What about ME?

Now there's a man called Alan Chaplin running the company.  What sort of a name is that?  There's the correct number of vowels in it.  There's no satisfying "sch" sound.  It's far too English.  Alan is on a secondment from Northern, where he's more usually the Deputy MD, and I'm sure he's a lovely and very capable man.  I'm sure Merseyrail won't plunge into an abyss of horror but, just to be safe, I think Alan should attend work in an Ajax shirt and waving some tulips about.  While smoking a joint.


So instead I'm transferring my loyalties to Northern Rail in the "FavouriteManaging Director" category.  They don't have a Dutchman in charge there, either, but I'm willing to overlook that because they have Alex Hynes instead.  Alex is actually northern, which I like; admittedly, listening to him speak, he's not full on "ey up, down t'pit with me whippet" northern, but that's ok.  I like the idea of the rail operating company being run by someone who's actually got experience using it.  I bet some of the southern franchises are run by men who haven't left their air conditioned Jaguar since 1986.


Also, if I can be unashamedly shallow for a moment, Alex is a little bit sweet.  I like his teeth, and his ears: my fondness for Russell Tovey must have given you a hint that I have an inclination that way.  And now Tim seems to have left the Northern Twitter feed, Alex has moved to top spot in the Northern Rail Totty Stakes (apart from that guard on the Yorkshire Coast Line who was built like a small house and who caused me to have minor heart flutters).


I mean, GOOD LORD.

Another fact in Alex's favour: he is always travelling around the network.  I don't think he even has an office.  I think he just installs himself on the first train he sees and goes out and about.  Northern is such a weird franchise, and I'd hate to think he was just commuting in and out of Leeds on the frequently served, well maintained lines and thinking that was all his franchise was about.  I recently spent a couple of hours trying to work out how I was going to visit the stations between Pontefract and Goole, which get only three trains a day, one in the morning and two in the evening; a good MD knows about the backwaters and has seen them for himself.

But Alex's greatest asset?  He's as nerdy about travelling over Northern Rail as me, as evidenced by this from his Twitter feed:


We're clearly kindred spirits, Alex.  Give me a ring.  I'll buy you a pint.

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Contractually Required End Of Year Post

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2013 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 532
TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2014 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 533

NUMBER OF STATIONS VISITED IN 2013: 136
NUMBER OF STATIONS VISITED IN 2014: 113

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS COLLECTED: 408
TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS STILL TO COLLECT: 125

TOTAL PERCENTAGE OF MAP COLLECTED: 77%

I can't pretend I'm not disappointed that the total visited has slipped.  To be fair, I got some really tricky ones this year, but it's mainly me slacking off over the last couple of months.  I could have fitted another dozen in there, easily.  I've already booked a trip for the first week in January though - just a little one, but enough to get me back on "track" (hahahahahahaha).

I know that posts full of pointless statistics are always popular with my readers - it's almost as though there's a strong streak of OCD running through railway fans (imagine!) - so here are some more.

MOST POPULAR POST OF 2014: This one, in which I introduced my trip on the Settle & Carlisle.  I think that shows the power of the Settle & Carlisle Line rather than being a resounding endorsement of my writing.  That post is also much more popular than the subsequent accounts of my visits to the stations, which makes me think loads of people Googled it, read my florid introduction, and thought "I'm not reading another eight pages of that".

MUSICAL ACTS WHOSE MUSIC I SHAMELESSLY APPROPRIATED FOR BLOG POST TITLES: Abba, Ian Jones, REM, Boney M, Daniel Diges, A1, Simon & Garfunkel, The Farm, Bjork, The Specials, Garbage, Jay-Z.  I think it's fair to say my musical tastes are "eclectic".

NUMBER OF REFERENCES TO RUSSELL TOVEY: A lot less this year, actually.  It's not that I'm going off him, I'm just trying to play it cool.  Though his new blond hair is a serious mistake and I sincerely hope it's for a role.

EXCITEMENT LEVELS ABOUT SPECTRE: Somewhere around 98%.  I'm not really keen on Blofeld coming back.

BAFFLING BLOG HITS: Too many to mention, but basically imagine any of the stations on the right and put the word "dogging" or "prostitutes" after it.  I don't know what kind of list I'm on.  I would like to say, once and forever, that you will not get any advice about whores on this blog.  Sorry.

DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE YEAR: Northern Rail wouldn't send me a map for my wall.  Was it really too much to ask?  Just a little map.  I'd even have one of the old ones.  It's not like I'm asking for one of those amazing Northern Rail USB sticks or umbrellas or Santa hats or one of the other five million freebies they seemed to hand out this year to everyone who wasn't me.  But no: the reply from their customer service department was swift and negative.  (Second place disappointment: the lovely and frankly bonkers Tim seems to have left their Twitter team).

NUMBER OF LOVELY BLOG READERS: All of you, of course.  Except you.  You know what you did.

BEST STATION OF 2014: Kirkby Stephen.  I got to drink tea on a station platform in my socks.  Amazing.

WORST STATION OF 2014: Any number of perfunctory halts in Manchester made up of a couple of empty platforms and a bench.  BORING.

And that, I think, is that for another year.  See you in 2015!

Monday, 30 December 2013

The State We're In


TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2012 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 524
TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS ON THE 2013 NORTHERN RAIL MAP: 532

TOTAL STATIONS COLLECTED AS OF 31/12/2012: 158

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS COLLECTED IN 2013: 136

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS THAT WERE ADDED TO THE MAP AND I COUNTED WITHOUT THINKING BECAUSE I COLLECTED THEM AGES AGO, ONLY TO HAVE THEM REALLY MUCK UP MY SPREADSHEET AND HAVE ME SCRATCHING MY HEAD WHEN I LOOKED AT MY FIGURES JUST NOW: 1 (Liverpool Central)

TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS COLLECTED: 295
TOTAL NUMBER OF STATIONS STILL TO COLLECT: 237

PERCENTAGE COMPLETE: 55%

The map above shows all the stations on the map, with those highlighted yellow already crossed off.  There's a big patch in the top left that's uncollected.  Staffordshire and Derbyshire still have some holes.  The North East is also very patchy, and the Grimsby line is completely untouched: partly the fault of a landslip blocking the line for ages, partly due to the fact it's miles away.

In terms of the Passenger Transport Executives (the coloured areas) - well, I've completed Merseytravel, obviously.  West Yorkshire is the most tarted of the other PTEs, with 64% of its stations under my belt; next is Greater Manchester with 56%, South Yorkshire with 52%, and Tyne & Wear with 33%.  That last one sounds impressive, but there are actually only 6 stations in the orange area.

Other essential stats, for those of you who like that sort of thing:

MOST POPULAR POST OF 2013: This rather sniffy one about Northern Rail's Movember, which makes me think I must turn up on some Google hit somewhere. 

MOST POPULAR POST WHICH IS ACTUALLY ABOUT ME: The tally of all the stations I visited on the Cumbrian Coast Line, which makes me think you people only come here for the bullet points, and my carefully crafted prose is distinctly unimportant. 

MUSICAL ACTS WHO HAD THEIR WORKS APPROPRIATED FOR BLOG POST TITLES: The Zutons, Steeleye Span, Kylie Minogue, Blur, Oasis, Status Quo, T-Rex, Lady Gaga, Doris Day, Girls Aloud.

NUMBER OF DESPERATE REFERENCES TO RUSSELL TOVEY IN THE HOPE THAT HE GOOGLES HIMSELF AND REALISES WE ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER: I'd rather not say.

BAFFLING GOOGLE SEARCH WHICH KEEPS RESULTING IN BLOG HITS: "Penelope Keith's tits".  While I am a great admirer of the former Margot Leadbetter, I'm sorry, you're not going to get anything of that sort round here.

NUMBER OF CORPORATE FREEBIES AND/OR INVITES TO CHRISTMAS PARTIES I'VE RECEIVED FROM NORTHERN RAIL: None.  Not a sausage.  Not so much as a single purple flip flop.  Obviously I'm not in it for the gifts, but come on guys, how about chucking a Northern Rail biro my way or something?  Look at all the free publicity I give you!  I'm almost always nice.

SUGGESTIONS RECEIVED FOR WHERE I SHOULD VISIT NEXT: Antwerp station, Ireland, Wales, every station in the United Kingdom.

NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO'VE OFFERED TO PAY ME TO VISIT THESE PLACES: Zero.

BEST STATION OF 2013: Redcar British Steel, obviously.

WORST STATION OF 2013: Pickering - not because it was particularly awful, but because it was on the map when it shouldn't have been there (it's a heritage station!) and so I object to it on principle. 

NUMBER OF BLOG POSTS IN 2013: 100.

Which seems like an appropriate place to stop.

Thursday, 19 December 2013

A Train of Thought

Merseyrail want YOU.

Don't get all excited; they're not in the market for a new Chief Exec or anything.  No, Merseyrail are touting for public opinion about their trains.  A consultation has been launched to find out what people want from their trains when they get refurbished next year.


I didn't even realise they were getting refurbished, so this is quite exciting news.  I thought we'd have to continue with what we had until the new trains arrived, somewhere around the turn of the next century.  They're concentrating on five areas:
  • Seats
  • Internal walls
  • Doors
  • Fixtures (for example, bins)
  • Signage
Cosmetic details, perhaps, but it's nice that they're asking.  I was pretty pleased with the last refurb - the one that gave us the purple and yellow interiors - and it was a vast improvement over their 1970s yellow and green predecessors.  Some bins would be handy, because it's quite depressing spending the whole trip back from Chester next to a Wotsits packet.  Doors between carriages on a strong hinge would be good too, so that people passing from one car to the next don't leave it open and banging for the rest of the journey.


I have drawn up a more detailed plan for the refurbishment, which Maaaaaaarten  Spaaaaaargaren is welcome to contact me about any time (click for a better view):

Key features of the new look Merseyrail train:
  1. Private, locked cabin at the front of the train for my own personal use;
  2. Russell Tovey serving champagne;
  3. Me, on a throne;
  4. All the other passengers in a walled off section at the back.
I look forward to hearing from you, Merseyrail.

If you have any ideas of your own, you can send them to Merseyrail here.  Though obviously they won't be as good as mine.

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Hear The Train Blow!

Hmmm.  I like James Bond.  I like railways.  If only there were a way to combine the two interests.


SCORE.

Well done, National Railway Museum.  With this 1965 publicity shot - intended to promote the "Anglo Scottish Car Carrier Service" - you managed to bring two of my hobbies crashing together in a whirlwind of awesomeness.  Just think: if this train was still available today Bond needn't have put up with Dame Judi whining all the way to Glencoe in Skyfall.

I wonder if this means all of my wishes are going to start coming true?   Time to cross my fingers and think of Russell Tovey...

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Dovey Tailing

Hell is other people, said Sartre, presumably while waiting in the queue at Argos.  It's a maxim that's particularly true of rail travel.  All those people, crammed together in a tiny tin tube, breathing in each other's air, smelling their perfumes, listening to their conversations.  Just one bad travelling companion can completely destroy your journey and send you scurrying to the taxi rank.

At Tywyn, there are two tracks, a rarity on the Cambrian Lines, so trains wait there to allow each other to pass.  It meant that for five minutes, waiting for the train to get going, I had to sit across from one of the most negative, miserable, and generally unpleasant women I have ever had the misfortune to be in close proximity to.  She had a bowl of tight blonde hair which looks like it was screwed onto her skull at puberty and hasn't been touched since.  Across from her was her husband, a man with a moustache and the defeated look of a man who's inadvertently chained himself to a Rottweiler for the rest of his life.

She first entered my consciousness as she loudly demanded he repay her for the coffees they'd had that morning.  "How much money have you got on you?"

"I don't know," said her husband.  He pulled out his wallet, one of those ones with a section for coins that are used exclusively by the emasculated, and she snatched it off him.  She rifled through it, pulling out a fiver and dumping a load of coppers from her own purse into it.  "Are you giving me all that change?" he said.

"Yes," she said.  "I'm sick of carrying it around.  I'm taking this five pound note.  You can pay for the drinks tonight.  And the Radio Times, when that's due."  A look round the carriage, her face contorted into a sneer, and then she complained that the train was on time.  How dare it be efficient!

As we take off, the guard appears, a chirpy girl they recognise and call Nellie.  "It's a bit quieter than the last time you were on here!" said the guard.

"Yes, thank God.  It's not that the children were shouting.  There were just far too many of them."

The train carries on, as does Helmet-Head's monologue to the guard about children, noisy trains, the inconvenience of train travel, the inconvenience of her friends for living away from Tywyn, the inconvenience of having to pack a bag when you stay overnight.  A pause at an open gate leaves her fuming at the farmer at the side of the line.  "Dickhead!" she shouts, as though he can hear her.  "Now he's held up the train."

"They have to be careful," says Nellie.  "You don't want to accidentally hit some one.  That can traumatise a driver."

"I know," says Helmet-Head.  "You hear about these suicides throwing themselves on the track.  It's so selfish.  I mean, I've been depressed, but I got over it.  You just need to pull your socks up."

Fortunately we stopped at Aberdovey before I had time to finish crafting a rudimentary garotte out of the straps of my backpack.  I stepped onto the platform lightly and with genuine pleasure at the idea that I wouldn't have to sit across from that woman all the way to Newtown.


Perhaps the escape made me especially generous to Aberdovey station.  I don't think so.  It was in a charming spot, close to the sea, with a bowling green behind it.  The station building had been turned into a private residence, but it wasn't fenced off from the platform, and it still gave the halt a sense of importance.


It also had, as you can see above, a Harrington Hump.  These are ramps built onto a station to avoid the expense of raising an entire platform to modern train heights: typically they occupy the centre and mean that it's easier for less able passengers to board.  I just love that they're called Harrington Humps; it's from the same world as Belisha Beacons and zebra crossings, eccentric names for something boringly practical.

The sun had decided that yes, it would grace us with its presence, after a day of being ambivalent about whether it was needed or not.  It meant that there was something approaching a pleasing warmth as I walked down to the main road for the sign shot.


Aberdovey has two stations, which is quite ridiculous for a town of its size, but handy for me.  They were either end of the main street, so I followed it into the centre.  Above me on the clifftops were white villas with sea views; they looked almost exactly like somewhere a vindictive colonel would be murdered by his despairing family in a lesser Agatha Christie.


In fact, Aberdovey had a general Christie-ness about it, a gentility and elegance that you didn't expect from a seaside resort these days.  Perhaps it's because it's still a working harbour, rather than just a tourist trap, but there was a sense of authenticity to it you don't often get.  The promenade curves round the bay, lined with eighteenth-century houses painted bright colours, while behind it are tiny Georgian streets that intersect at wild angles.


I was disappointed to spot a Fat Face in the town square, though.  That shop instantly marks the town as a place where it is acceptable for men to wear both three-quarter length trousers and Breton shirts; the hipsters had discovered it.  Fortunately they all seemed to be out of town during my visit - presumably they were all in England.

I did a couple of circuits of the centre before going into the Dovey Inn.  It had caught my eye with its carved board near the roof:
This house was built by Athelstain Owens Esqr.  

Ano Dom 1729
I was disappointed to find that inside it had been modernised within an inch of its life.  Not in an especially ugly way; in fact it was inoffensively tasteless, all blonde wood and frosted glass.  As I sat down in a corner with my pint of Milkwood, though, I wished it still felt like a three hundred year old inn, rather than a Wetherspoons with a nice frontage.

I watched the light bouncing off the sea for a while, glinting among the wavelets, and slowly knocked back my pint.  I could live here, I thought.  I could live in one of those houses, overlooking the bay, watching the fishermen leaving in the evening for their catch.  Drinking a beer on the balcony while I listened to the sea below me.  Then wandering down into town to find a nice quiet restaurant for the evening.  The slow life.

Of course, it would drive me mad in reality, the moment I realised I'd have to go fifty miles to get that brand of toothpaste I like, or when all my friends suddenly started trying to use my house as a free hotel.  It was nice to dream for a while.


I carried on through the town, feeling vaguely as though I was in a pirate cove, striding among the close fit houses and the sea walls.  The presence of a Literary Institute, with signs advertising both a "News Room (Visitors Welcome)", and a billiard room, did nothing to convince me I was in the 21st century.

Soon I'd reached the other end of the town, close to Penhelig station, and I realised it was a lot smaller than I'd planned for so I still had a while before my train.  I picked another pub close by, the Penhelig Arms, to kill time in.  It was built into the rock face behind the town, with no pavement outside and the railway bridge overhanging it, and I was pleased to find it was a much more old-fashioned pub than the Dovey Inn.  There seemed to be a "posh bit" upstairs, with a terrace, but I'd wandered into the slightly more threadbare lower bar, the place the locals frequented.

The bar was so authentic, they'd not even bothered with levelling the floor for the tables, and I managed to spill a centimetre of beer right instantly.  I mopped it up with my handkerchief while I listened to the barmaid tolerating a regular talking about his day.  He'd been up until 4am watching a documentary about Burt Bacharach; "do you know he made Cilla Black do 19 takes of Anyone Who Had A Heart?"  I was going to suggest that Burt should have made her do a few more, but instead I stuffed my beer-soaked hankie into my pocket and relaxed.

A heavy clock over the fireplace noisily ticked away, knocking down the minutes until my train.  The barmaid perched on a sttol, turning the pages of her Western Mail, enjoying a moment's silence while John regathered his thoughts.  Suddenly he exclaimed: "I don't care what anyone says; I like sprouts."  She took the non sequitur in her stride, and joined him in a chat about which green vegetables are best (the winner: broccoli).  I heard the Pwllheli train rattle past, and realised it was sadly time to go, before I could stir things up by chucking kale into the equation.


Penhelig station was just across the street, with a metre of pavement giving me space to stand and take the sign picture.  Above it was a narrow staircase taking you up the embankment to the platform.  No wonder they put in a Harrington Hump at Aberdovey - this is very wheelchair-unfriendly.


The station is built in the brief gap between two tunnels in the rock.  The train has just enough time to emerge from the darkness and stop before it's back inside for another underground trip.  The Welsh version of the Colour Tsars had struck again, painting the little wooden shelter red, green and white.


It was probably the two pints of beer, but I found the little hut charming, even more so when I found that the local graffiti artists were clearly as OCD as me.  There was a window in one wall of the hut, but not the other, so someone who deeply values symmetry had drawn one in:


It could have done with a ruler and set square to get the angles right, but well done you.

My train turned up and, even better, stopped for me (I was worried that the driver wouldn't see me in the time it took for him to come out of the tunnel).  My next stop was the famous - almost legendary - Dovey Junction.  Even the guard seemed to recognise its special place on the line: "Ladies and gentlemen.  This... is DOVEY JUNCTION," pausing for it to sink in as though it were a headliner at the Las Vegas Hilton.

As I've said before, the Cambrian Line is in two parts: the Main Line heads south to Aberystwyth, while the Coast Line heads north to Pwllheli.  The point where the line splits is at Dovey Junction and, for reasons best known to themselves, the line's architects constructed a station here.  Now it's one of the least used stations in Britain, and as such, on Robert's list for his Station Master blog (but I've beaten him to it, ha ha).

I was the only person to get off.  Most people who want to change trains will stay on until Machynlleth, further up the line, which at least has a station building and somewhere pleasant to sit and get a Coke.  I dropped my bag off in the shelter (who was going to steal it, a vindictive otter?) and walked down the ridiculously long Aberystwyth platform.  There's been talk about restoring London services to this line, and this is reflected in a platform built for Voyagers.  A refurbishment in 2011 also raised it above the flood plains and gave it new tarmac - it has the unfortunate effect of removing any old-world charm the station might have had.


It was a mile and a half from the station to the nearest road; a map advising you of where to catch a rail replacement bus was more or less just an arrow saying "walk this way".  The road passes through high reed beds - it's a protected wildlife area - until you reach the "Station House", and with it, the main road.


In a further blow to Dovey Junction's image as an isolated spot, the main road was undergoing a major upgrade.  There were diggers, trucks and steamrollers loudly hammering at the rock face, while workers crawled all over the site.  The noisy jackhammers echoed throughout the valley.


Up the nose shot taken, I turned round and went back the way I came, pausing only to pee.  I now had an hour to kill until the train back to Barmouth.  The services aren't even aligned to help with the interchange; two eastbound services pass within ten minutes of each other, then it's almost two hours before the next westbound train.

To pass the time, I decided to make a little video.


Even during the course of that video, my attitude to the station was changing.  I'd been let down at first.  It was, after all, the famous Dovey Junction, and yet it wasn't that isolated and it wasn't that pretty.  Look beyond the drab Arriva Trains Wales corporate colours and the easily maintained pebbles and you realise how lucky you are to be here; in the centre of a wide expanse of natural beauty, with no-one but yourself and your thoughts for company.  Out there - beyond the platforms - out there was the world to explore; Dovey Junction was just a means to get there.  Its magic is its surroundings, not the station itself.

I got back on the train and settled into my seat, taking just a moment to perv at the hot conductor (hello Alex!).  It was finally time to return to Barmouth, to a shower and a drink and a sleep.  Day one: done and dusted.